Interesting "conversation" with co-worker

So last week my co-workers and I were chatting and somehow the conversation took a turn towards the age old question of why do bad things happen to good people. One of my co-workers began to reminisce about his partner's mom. She was a devout Catholic woman who became very ill in her last days on this earth and he and his partner were in agreement that it seemed so unfair. I think the exact statement was something like "She was a devoted Catholic, prayed to the Saints and all that stuff, and look at what it got her."

I gave a very short, trite statement about how I agreed the situation was unfortunate and even seemed unfair, but I thought the answer to that question, if there was one at all, was a multifaceted one. Anyway, we decided to end the conversation at that point because we had been discussing non work related stuff for a while, and it was time to get back to work. I couldn't get the conversation out of my head though, and I decided to jot down a few notes and turn it into a blog post a little later.

Well, imagine my surprise when I received an email from said co-worker going into a bit more detail of our conversation. Some of the issues covered in his email were:

• Why is it that people can be devoted to their faith and yet bad things still happen to them
• Televangelists that seem to be out only to make a buck/Christian hypocrisy
• Why Christians want everyone else to adhere to their moral code

My response to his email is below, minus the typos of course. Rather than create an entirely new post, I just decided to pull a portion of my email and let that serve as my post.


I can’t say I’ve never wondered the “Why do bad things happen to good people” question. What I’ve come to realize, is that I’m not qualified, nor am I at a place where I can answer that question. So instead my focus has shifted. Instead of asking “Why” I ask “What”. What can be learned from this situation? What good came out of this situation? What lesson did I learn that can be put into practice? What wisdom can I pass on to someone else that encounters something similar? When I started asking those questions, the “Why” wasn’t eliminated, or made any less painful, but my perspective changed. I began to see that not only can good come from bad, but I began to expect good to come out of bad situations.

I also think it boils down to what one expects from their faith. Some consider it a get out of jail free card for all “wrongdoings” and others consider it a lucky charm that should prevent bad stuff from happening to them. Me (and I know you didn’t ask me this), some of the things I expect are: a connection with my Creator (God, Allah, the Divine, the Universe, Mother Earth, or whatever other label you want to put on it), empowerment to become a better person, the power to experience and reflect love, peace/comfort when bad things do happen, and to help others, whether that help is through finances, advice, or just giving someone hope that everything will be ok. The reality I’ve learned, is that if I want to be a “better” person, most times I have to be put in a certain situation in order for that to come to fruition. For instance, if I want to be forgiving I have to have the opportunity to be screwed over. If I want to be patient, I have to have some sort of trying obstacle to overcome. If I want to be courageous, I have to be placed in a fearful situation and attempt to overcome it, etc….You get the point
That’s why I say, what appears to be a crappy situation on the surface, can have good. That doesn’t make the situation suck any less, but again, it changes the perspective.

As far as money grubbing televangelist, or other hypocrites (religious or not), I find their actions despicable, but at the same time I don’t think I am so different. Sure their actions may be different from mine, but the underlying issue I think is the same. Things like greed, dishonesty, jealousy, desire for power, fear, pride, wanting to be appear to be a good person without necessarily becoming a good person…these are all the same things I’m trying to eliminate from my internal makeup. It’s just that when I fail it may not be as apparent as it is with other people. I just figure, I’m not trying to use others as a measuring stick of how good or bad I am or should be. My goal is to be the absolute best me that I can be regardless of what others are doing because honestly, I can never have a true comparison. My absolute best may be a piece of cake to one person, and an unattainable goal to another, and I will never know which is which because I’m can’t be inside another person’s head. What I can do, is acknowledge I’m not perfect, and knowing that, not expect perfection from someone else. I also aim to encourage people to be the best person they can be, and ask them to encourage me to do the same. I don’t always succeed, but that’s my goal.

I agree with you that some Christians want to govern the way that other people live. I don’t agree. I think adults should be able to exert their free will, and do what they please as long as their actions do not infringe on another person’s rights. And while I may disagree with them, and plenty of other people, I still suspect that we are all more alike than we would like to think.


And there you have it. It's the best I could do to address some of his tough issues, but I'd be interested in other people's opinions on this stuff too.