The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

This past week I've been focusing on fundraising for the March of Dimes-March for Babies walk. As a result it has caused me to reflect on Ian's prematurity and has brought up some interesting thoughts and memories. I've often wondered what it is I am supposed to learn from Ian's early arrival. I'm of the mindset, that if God allows an unexpected bad situation to happen in my life, or anyone's life, there must be an opportunity to learn, grow, and benefit from the experience.

So far that theory has proven true, and some of things I've learned so far are to focus on what matters and not to take life, love, and family for granted. But even with the lessons I've learned I still had some unanswered questions, and so I did what I always tend to do when I have thoughts all over the place. I decided to have a chat with God.

God and I have long since gotten past the formalities so the conversation went a little something like this:

God, while I am appreciative of the life principles I have learned thus far, I can't wrap my mind around why you had to use something as traumatic as a premature birth to convey the message. Am I that hard-headed? Couldn't I have learned these lessons through other means?
I mean this is something that affected not only me, but my family; my child. Plus Dan and I did it right. We met, we dated, we got married, and then we had children. If you're going to have a family, that's the way it should be done. There are plenty of people out there sleeping around and when they get pregnant, you reward them with a perfectly normal and healthy pregnancy. It just seems unfair.

Anyway, as I continued in this dialogue with God, all of a sudden a little light bulb went off in my head and I took a second to really think about what I was saying. Technically, I was saying that I didn't think I deserved the trials of having a premature child, but there was a hidden implication that there were some that did deserve it, and they were the ones who didn't have the same standard of morality that I had. Now, I'm not of the belief that the inverse of a statement necessarily reveals truth, but in this situation it did. In my mind, since I did it "right", I deserved a healthy pregnancy, and while I wouldn't wish a premature birth experience upon anyone, if anybody deserved it, it was those that did not create a child within the confines of a loving, committed, and stable relationship.

When I realized that this was what I was really thinking, it was like a punch to the gut and I was disgusted with myself. I understood that I needed to make a change in my mindset. I had two options.
I could shake my head and say "Tsk, tsk" to all of those who have and will have children in less than ideal circumstances, or I could show love and compassion for both the parents and the children in those difficult circumstances. I chose the latter.

Now I don't think that this revelation was the all-encompassing reason as to why Ian came into this world 16 weeks early, but I believe that this was a principle that I needed to learn in order to become the best me I can be.

Life Lesson: Self-righteous judgment never helps anything. All it does is create an inflated ego that prevents one from experiencing true love.

Are you kidding me?

I guess the previous person that lived in our house had kids, because when we moved in there were a few baby-proofing mechanisms in place. One thing that was missing though was electrical outlet covers. Well, now that Ian is crawling, pulling up, and toying with the idea of cruising, he decided that electrical outlets looked like they would be great fun. Not to worry though, I immediately rushed out to the store and bought some outlet covers. Problem solved, right? Let's continue with the story, shall we?

Once the covers were in place, we put Ian back on the floor and let him have at it. He immediately crawled over to his favorite electrical outlet and noticed that something looked different. He looked at it for a few seconds, and then decided to ignore it.
Whoo hoo!! Success. Dan and I congratulated ourselves on being great parents and went on with our evening.

Fast forward to today. Dan, Ian and I were all hanging out in the living room. I needed to go into the kitchen and Dan was on the opposite side of the living room than Ian. No need to worry though, because the living room is a safe zone. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Ian eyeing his favorite electrical outlet. I chuckle to myself and say "You go ahead and try to get to that outlet little man. You may have forgotten, but we've taken care of that."

You see where this is going don't you? I continued doing my business in the kitchen, and all of a sudden I hear Dan say "Argh, No! How did you do that?". I go into the living room and what do I see? A bright eyed, curious Ian with an electrical outlet cover in his hand.

Uh, yeah. I think this kid is already smarter than me.

Had a great weekend

This weekend was great one. This was the weekend of the annual NICU reunion at the hospital where Ian was born. Kids that spent time in the NICU all come back to visit for food and fun. We had such a great time.
We got to see the nurses and doctors that took care of our kiddos and we also got to catch up with the parents of other kiddos that we bonded with over the months.
It was so amazing to see kids that were 5 years old, 10 year old, and even older. There was even a person that was had a stay in the NICU in 1979 that came back for a visit. All the NICU graduates are miracles in my book.

Below is a picture that I call "Moms and Micros". All of the babies below were micro-preemies, (born before or right at 26 weeks gestation) all born right around the same time, and all went home within a few weeks of one another. I have cried, ranted, and laughed with these lovely ladies, and it was so great to be able to hang out together with our healthy, happy, boys.

Well, I guess it's official. I am now a grown-up

Well if the marriage, the house, and the kid didn't convince me that I was an adult, this definitely does it.

Say hello to my new car. The family sedan.



That's right folks. I am now the proud owner of a 4-door vehicle. My former car, a sporty two door coupe named Tyson, became very ill a couple of weeks back and we decided that it was time to get a new vehicle.

Tyson was a great and loyal car. We had 10 years together. From college to moving to a new city, from marriage to parenthood, Tyson was right there along for the ride. He will be missed.

If you would, lets have a moment of silence for Tyson

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Although Tyson will be missed, I am enjoying my new vehicle. The problem is she (the car gives off a definite feminine vibe) doesn't have a name yet.

Any suggestions?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IAN!

Yes, ladies and gents, today is the day. One year ago, on this very day, Ian was born.
I can't tell you how freaking excited I am. We've been so blessed to have him in our lives.

Dan and I woke up this morning and sang Happy Birthday to Ian, but tonight is when he will get to eat cake and open his toys. It will only be us 3, but it will still be fun. Ian had his birthday celebration with Dan's side of the family on Easter, and he will share a birthday celebration with his Uncle (my brother) next weekend.

There will be more pictures to come, but I figured I start you off with an Ian appetizer. This was after singing happy birthday to him this morning. Check out that bedhead

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As promised, here are a few more pictures of the big day.

Hope you had a happy Easter

I know we did. Ian had an appointment with his pulmonologist (lung doctor) on Good Friday, and he gave us the green light to turn Ian loose in the wild (ie. to attend large family gatherings). So what did we do? We packed up the car and headed to Dan's hometown.

Dan's family is big and there were tons of people that got to meet Ian for the first time. It was very exciting.
It was also exciting because Sunday was Dan's birthday. I won't tell you how old he is, but I will say that his age no longer begins with a 2. I'm sure he won't admit it, but I think the best birthday gift he received was to be able walk around his hometown with his little boy in tow.

Everyone got together at Dan's grandmother's house after church and they had a birthday cake for all of the March birthdays (Ian's birthday is in March as well). Everyone sang happy birthday, and Ian smashed his hand into the cake. It was great.

Here are a couple of pictures. **Note: I took a lot more pictures but there are other people in them, and I don't like to post pictures on the web of others when they haven't given me their permission.


I love, love, love this picture. Sometimes the candid shots come out better than the planned ones.


Dan and Ian playing in the hot tub at Ian's paw-paw's house.
We forgot our swimsuits, but next time we are all diving in.

Back down memory lane

March 21st.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to think of that date in the same way. March 21, 2007 was the day that I found out my pregnancy would be a difficult one.
The day started off normal enough. My cell phone alarm went off at 6am, which was the time I usually woke up to work out, but on that morning I decided I didn't feel like exercising. I had stayed up late the night before and I had my 24 week appointment at 9am so I figured I would make it a lazy day and sleep in.

I got up around 8, showered, dressed and hopped in the passenger seat of the car while Dan drove me to the appointment. He was so great about that. He never missed a doctor's appointment. He was already a proud Papa. We had found out a few weeks prior that we were having a boy, and I had been feeling him really kick for the past 4 weeks. It was an exciting time.

When I got to the doctors office it was business as usual. The nurse had me do the same, stand on the scale, pee in a cup, and let me take your blood pressure routine, but when she took my blood pressure, she made a funny face. The nurse left the room and went and got my doctor. When the doc came into the room, we went through the usual routine and she told me how things seemed to be going well, but she noticed my blood pressure was pretty high. She wanted to have the nurse check it a couple more times, but if it was consistently high, she told me she would have to put me on blood pressure medication.

I started to cry.

I'm normally not a crier, but I was convinced that I had done something horribly wrong, and the only way I could express all the emotions running through me was in tears. But, Dan and my doctor consoled me and my little outburst was short lived. After that, I was ready for action. What did I need to do? Did I need to change my diet? I was eating pretty healthy stuff, but I was ready to make changes if needed. The OB told me that if it was just high blood pressure, I just needed to take the blood pressure medication, and they would keep an eye on if for the rest of my pregnancy. She said the only thing that would signal a major problem was if they found something like protein in my urine.

Cue the nurse. I had a substantial amount of protein in my urine. Now I won't pretend to know all of the medical jargon or attempt to give you an exact definition of what that meant. What I can say is that I walked away understanding that my kidneys weren't doing their job to the best of their ability. But I was still ready to do whatever I needed to make things right. I was CONVINCED that I could do something to fix this problem, but my doctor gently assured me that, no, I wasn't doing anything wrong and she explained that from here on out the goal was to keep me pregnant for as long as possible. They would monitor me overnight in the hospital, and if my blood pressure came down I would be allowed to go home, but I would be on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. If my blood pressure continued to rise, I would still be on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy, but it would be in the hospital.

It was about that time that one of us, I can't remember if it was Dan or me, asked the doctor just how serious this condition was, and she said "I'm going to say this only once, because I don't want you to become overly worried. You know how women used to die in childbirth? This is the condition that caused it." She then explained how far the medical field had come and that I was going to be well taken care of. I loved my OB and really appreciated her honesty. She really helped me put things in perspective.

I have to pause right here and say just how great Dan was during this time, and the difficult days to come. He was my rock, in the flesh, to lean on. I'm sure he had a host of emotions that he was trying to process, but he selflessly put them on the back burner to tend to me, and I love him all the more for it. He's the best.

Now, I could bore you with the details of my extended hospital stay, but I won't, because this post is long enough, and honestly some of it is still painful to remember. The short version is, my blood pressure couldn't be controlled, as a result Ian wasn't getting the nutrients he needed from me, and I had to have an emergency c-section 5 days later.

The silver lining in that dark cloud is that here we are a year later, and we have a happy NICU graduate who brings a smile to our face every day without fail.

Thanks for taking a trip down memory lane with me. Hopefully, I didn't depress you along the way :)